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John 1:4 “In him was life; and the life was the light of men.” Click here to watch video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P1OeG_5tkQ
ACTION STEP: Keep it real! Have integrity. I believe in you and you need to believe in yourseldf.
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John 11:38-44 38Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39“Take away the stone,” he said. “But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.” 40Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” 41So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” 43When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”  Most of you reading this probably don't know the ole TV series "Father Knows Best." I on the other hand grew up watching this on our old Black and White TV. No ROKU back then, but we have all come a long way! Listen to the video below as I share my story of how God is still teaching me to just trust Him in everything. Oh and by the way, I get to work on my doctorate this week! Watch the You Tube Video here if it fails to appear below: (A Weebly issue with their website not mine so can't be fixed by me. Sooooo here is the link: https://youtu.be/Yw4yHa6SWyc ACTION STEP: Trust your Abba Daddy God!
For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. Psalm 91:11  Today is my travel day. Please pray for safety as we go. I will try to update the blog as I can, but if I can't get Internet access at times, the posts may be delayed.
Have a great week! I'll be in touch as I can. Remember, I believe in you, and you need to believe in yourself. Revelation 19:7-9 ESV "Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.” John 2:2 ESV "Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his disciples."  Today, I marry a young lady that has been in our church since she was 5 or 6 years old. Last night, at the rehearsal that is exactly what I did--I rehearsed. I rehearsed all the years and memories that we have shared together. Her broken arm. Her other broken arm. Signing her cast. Watching her play guitar. Hiring her to play guitar. Watching her graduate. Seeing her run in a race. She even worked for us for almost 3 years. Today, she walks down the aisle.
Time goes by quickly. The best time to prepare for the wedding is before you meet your groom. Once you meet Him time goes by so fast you may not have time to get everything done you want done, save the money needed, lose the weight, let your hair grow, see a counselor for that issue that keeps popping up.... I could go on and on; but you and I both know what I mean. The time to start is today. It is the same with your relationship with Jesus Christ. He is the bridegroom and we the church, are His bride. We need to get to know Him now. What does He like? What doesn't He like. We can get to know our future groom by reading His word and when He comes for us, we will be ready for Him. The only way to get to know someone is by spending time with them. We cannot get to know someone if we never talk, if we never ask questions of one another. We must spend time with one another. We are on this earth for such a short time compared to eternity. The Word of God tells us, "...even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away" James 4:14 Vanish means gradually cease to exist. Today we are all in a slow fade. Where will you spend eternity? Are you ready to meet your groom? ACTION STEP: As I read my Accuweather today, it looks like there will be rain. The weather says 99% precipitation. I will not fret, I will be talking to my groom and asking Him for a little period of sunshine. I've gotten to know Him over the years and He cares about the little things. That big problem you are carrying around right now? Yes, He knows about it, and He loves to bless His bride--that's us. Ask of Him what you want. Test Him. He even tells us to test him in the area of finances, so those problems are not taboo either. I believe in you and you need to believe in yourself. Dedicated to Breanna and Joshua Siniscal married May 6, 2022. Matthew 25:14-30 ESV The Parable of the Talents “For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master's money. Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here, I have made five talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here, I have made two talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours.’ But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’  Today, I am sharing with you my real life. You may or may not know, I pastor a church. That being said I was the one to preach last night. I love my people and my job, but it takes time to arrange a message and season it with prayer. Today, we have a rehearsal, tomorrow a wedding and I preach again at our PA location and then on Mothers Day I preach twice. Did I mention, on Monday I leave for Ghana. In between I need to pack, get tested for COVID, check that I have all necessary items for our graduation to be held in Ghana, etc. etc. etc... Again, love my job but there are only so many hours in a day. See diagram above-I only have so many spoons.
Now, I am not chronically ill. Never the less I only have so many spoons and so do you. Another way of saying this is I wear a lot of hats and some days, I just can't put on another on or I am unable to change the hat. I think you understand what I am sharing with you today. The "Want to" is there but the "I can" isn't. No excuse just sharing. If this is your scenario, be kind to yourself. I run out of spoons some days before 9AM---seriously. It happens. Sometimes one spoon at a time at other times I just pitch them all. This morning I pitched them all before 8AM. When you are recovering from trauma of the past, remember healing is a process. For me I remind myself that I am not thirteen years old and that my four little brothers do not need me to care for them, they have very capable wives. I need to be present and take care of me. No guilt. No shame. No explanations needed. Just be. ACTION STEP: You know the drill. Breathe. Be present. Pray. You've got this. Whatever comes your way, you will be sufficient and present the best you that you've got today. Tomorrow, we will face the day with a new perspective and a fresh body. So, if your still holding all your spoons then pray for me. And tomorrow if you need a spoon, well you can borrow one of mine. I believe in you and you need to believe in yourself. "IN A DARK TIME, THE EYE BEGINS TO SEE..." -THEODORE ROETHKE, "IN A DARK TIME  I like to stay ahead of you in my reading and in my journey, so that I can show you the path. That gets hard sometimes with my schedule. I am aware that you all would much rather see me face to face than just read. It's hard, as often times I write these on the fly, at my office, in my car and yes---in my bed. That being said, I am making an effort to try to be more deliberate in using real footage. I can't promise how professional they will be, but I'd rather follow a leader that is real than perfect. How about you? The book I am reading right now is, "It Didn't Start With You" by Mark Wolynn. I will take it with me to Ghana. If you decide to read along with me reply here with your comments. Here is the link to the video below. You can also subscribe to my channel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZM63HfwDv4 ACTION STEP: Whether you read along with me or find 10 books on the subject that is your life's story--read. Readers are leaders and leaders are feeders. We can't feed others what we have not eaten ourselves. Reading is a way to acquire knowledge that you personally do not have to go through and still learn what can save you years of tears, lost income and relationship woes. If you do not read or do not enjoy reading get a subscription to audible. You can do this.
I believe in you and you need to believe in yourself. Please share this with your friends. Don't be a taker. Be a sharer! Repost on your own social media platforms. I appreciate your faithfulness. Today, I am sharing an article that I found interesting. As I prepare for our first graduation class in Accra, Ghana I have many things to do, so I hope you don't mind reading today's blog from someone else. See you tomorrow.  Are you searching for an answer? It might be hard to believe, but the flaws in your character could actually be from childhood emotional neglect.
The veil is being removed and now I can clearly see the reasons for why people behave the way they do. In ways, this makes life easier but in other ways, it makes life much more difficult. Those who suffer from childhood emotional neglect, as adults, are experiencing long-term effects. The roots of these actions are long and thick, causing a stronghold in daily life. Sometimes, I feel these symptoms as well. Could I have been emotionally neglected as a child?I was left with my grandmother, every weekday, while my parents worked. During those days, I was sexually abused by my adult cousin who paid a visit. Maybe my parents, in a sense, neglected me, but yet they had to work. Or was it my grandmother who was acting in a neglectful manner? Did they understand what they were doing? Probably not. It was such a different way of life in the 70s. When my parents were at home, they never talked about my future and never really gave me credit for my creativity. It was normal to just keep me fed and safe. It wasn’t necessary to keep me enthusiastic. I found the support that I needed in my older brother, who provided a small portion of the reinforcement that would give me a reason to live. We are still close to this day. Have you been emotionally neglected?If you try to figure it out on your own, it could be too difficult. There are signs, however, which point to the root of your feelings. If you suffered from childhood emotional neglect, you may have a better understanding after reading these indicators. Here are 7 signs that you probably were emotionally neglected. Do you sometimes feel numb?When I refer to being numb, I don’t mean losing physical sensations in certain parts of your body. I refer to losing emotional sensation in your thoughts. Numbness is a place where concerns become trivial, and emotions just disappear. Now, you might not feel numb all the time, but when you do, nothing matters. You can almost feel like you are close to nothing, void and non-existent. After a while, you may actually start to experience a physical numbness. Do you experience emotional confusion? Those who have experienced childhood emotional neglect will sometimes be confused about what they’re feeling. They may be angry, irritated or depressed with no understanding of why they feel this way. Sometimes, they have trouble calming down as well, feeling anger and frustration continually building inside. It’s usually because of the past complex emotions after being left alone or forgotten. Do you refuse help from others? I have noticed with some people in my life, that no matter how difficult things become for them, they refuse to ask for help. In fact, I have felt this strange refusal as well. Using what I understand about the situation gives me insight. When neglected as a child, you sometimes had no help when you needed it the most. As an adult, you become used to this. Being dependent on someone else is abnormal for the emotionally neglected adult. Do you often feel like something is missing? When an adult has been emotionally neglected as a child, they will always have this hole inside. There will be a lingering feeling that something is missing from their lives, either a person or a situation that they may crave. Unfortunately, many people keep filling this space with things they hope will bring them joy but still feel so empty inside. You lose a sense of home and you lose a sense of love if not careful. Do you have low self-esteem? A low self-esteem also comes from being emotionally neglected as a child. You feel that if your parents and loved ones neglected you, then you aren’t worth their time or important to them. This is usually not true, but it’s complicated. Oftentimes, parents just aren’t aware of the effects of their actions. As an adult, you transfer these feelings over to present situations and people. You experience a low self-esteem that sometimes becomes permanent and affects your home and work life. If you recognize this trait, you may have subject to childhood emotional neglect after all. Are you a perfectionist? If you are a perfectionist, you could have been neglected emotionally. Think about it this way, if your loved ones neglected you as a child, you could have tried almost anything to get their attention, even striving for perfection to be noticed. As an adult, this perfectionism grew and maybe, by now, you’ve become obsessed with this behavior. Are you a neat freak, need everything to be organized perfectly, and even require perfectionist friends? You could still be trying to validate your existence. Be careful. Are you sensitive to rejection and easily offended? Being overly sensitive about much of anything is a sign of past rejection. You are afraid, and your fear is manifesting through being offended about what others say to you. Sometimes people are only offering constructive criticism, but those who have experienced childhood emotional neglect see it as being attacked. How do you rate? I never really considered the fact that I could have been emotionally abused in childhood until I understood the repercussions of this abuse. I had so many issues trying to figure out where each one of my faults and eccentricities derived. I saw my depression in a clear way, I saw my anxious traits in another, but there were things like listed above that I just couldn’t categorize….until now. I appreciate the ability to learn the roots of my characteristics, how about you? When we learn where our faults come from, we will be able to heal each hurt and replace it with a peace of mind. I think it’s just one step closer to an enlightened self. We’re getting closer. Just be patient. Sherrie Hurd, A.A. Staff writer at Learning Mind Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time. “Perfectionism is the unparalleled defense for emotionally abandoned children. The existential unattainability of perfection saves the child from giving up, unless or until, scant success forces him to retreat into the depression of a dissociative disorder, or launches him hyperactively into an incipient conduct disorder. Perfectionism also provides a sense of meaning and direction for the powerless and unsupported child. In the guise of self-control, striving to be perfect offers a simulacrum of a sense of control. Self-control is also safer to pursue because abandoning parents typically reserve their severest punishment for children who are vocal about their negligence.” ― Pete Walker  Abandonment fear often stems from childhood loss.
This loss could be related to a traumatic event, such as the loss of a parent through death or divorce. It can also come from not getting enough physical or emotional care. These early childhood experiences can lead to a fear of being abandoned by others later in life. HOW ABANDONMENT WORKS Healthy human development requires needs for physical and emotional care to be met. Unmet needs can result in feelings of abandonment. Experiencing abandonment can become a traumatic life event. The death of a parent can be a traumatic event for a child. Feeling unsafe due to a threatening situation like abuse or poverty can also cause trauma. Some degree of abandonment fear can be normal. But when fear of abandonment is severe and frequent, it can cause trouble. It may impact how a person’s relationships develop. When this is the case, the support of a therapist or counselor may help. EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT A pattern of emotional abandonment or neglect can also be traumatic. It can qualify as a form of abandonment. Emotional abandonment can occur when parents:
People who felt abandoned as children may be more likely to repeat this pattern with their children. But some emotionally abandoned children recognize this pattern. They can go on to nurture their own children and break the cycle of abandonment. Many of these signs of abandonment may also play out between people in a relationship. Stress or overwhelm can contribute to emotional abandonment. People with unmet needs often have a difficult time meeting the needs of others. Practicing self-care is an important part of making sure one’s own needs are met. The person who practices self-care can then meet the needs of their child or partner in a healthy way. ABANDONMENT ANXIETY IN RELATIONSHIPS Adults who did not experience abandonment as children may still have feelings associated with abandonment. These can come from losing an intimate partner to separation, divorce, or death. Abandonment may occur in childhood or adulthood. Either way, the impact can be pervasive. It may negatively affect any other relationships a person develops, whether they are intimate, social, or professional. Fear of abandonment can impact an otherwise healthy relationship. People may worry their partner is having an affair. This anxiety can come from experience with previous affairs. It may also come from previous loss or anxiety issues. Adults who are afraid of being abandoned may work to keep their partner from leaving. They may pour hard work and effort into the relationship. Then, they might worry their partner does not appreciate or reciprocate their efforts. Signs abandonment may be affecting a relationship include:
FEAR OF ABANDONMENT IN CHILDREN Children may worry about their parents abandoning them. This can be natural, as children form attachments to their parents from birth. Young children may get anxious about their parents leaving for a short trip. They may get anxious when a parent drops them off at daycare or school. It is possible for children not to be impacted long-term by these worries. This can mean making sure they have a secure caregiver attachment. This will help them learn social skills and have healthy relationships later in life. Signs a child may have abandonment issues include:
Some children experience what is called “abandoned child syndrome.” This may take place after the loss of a parent or caregiver. It can also develop due to physical or emotional abandonment by a parent. Symptoms may show as isolation, low self-worth, and unhealthy coping mechanisms like eating issues or addiction. If not addressed early, symptoms may become severe and make it difficult to form relationships or lead a healthy life. LONG-TERM EFFECTS OF ABANDONMENT ISSUES A person who has experienced abandonment may be more likely to have long-term mental health issues. These are often based on the fear that abandonment will recur. A child who was abandoned by a parent or caregiver may have mood swings or anger later in life. These behaviors can alienate potential intimate partners and friends. A child’s self-esteem can also be affected by lack of parental support. Abandonment fears can impair a person’s ability to trust others. They may make it harder for a person to feel worthy or be intimate. These fears could make a person prone to anxiety, depression, codependence, or other issues. Abandonment issues are also linked to borderline personality (BPD) and attachment anxiety. Someone who lacks self-esteem due to childhood abandonment may seek relationships that reinforce their beliefs. References:
Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death. Colossians 3:21 "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."  One may not consider abandonment or childhood emotional neglect as child abuse. However if you ask an adult who has such a childhood they would definitely disagree. Look up the definition of abuse and you will find it is the misuse of something or someone, to use for a bad purpose, treat with cruelty, or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly. One of the greatest feas of a child is to be left alone, to have a parent or caretaker leave them.
When a child is robbed of their childhood and has to grow up too quickly it puts enormous stress on the child. The child becomes responsible at an inappropriate age and this may altar their maturity as an adult. Many children today are taking care of their alcoholic parents or drug addicted care givers and are also expected to care for their siblings, missing school and learning to lie to cover up problems at home. This responsibility at too early an age will set them up for many troubles in later life. The Bible prohibits child abuse in many ways, one is forbidding of psychological and emotional abuse. Ephesians 6:4 warns fathers not to “exasperate” or provoke their children but to bring them up in the “training and instruction of the Lord.” Harsh, unloving verbal discipline, emotional manipulation, or volatile environments alienate children’s minds from their parents and render their instruction and correction useless. Parents can provoke and exasperate their children by placing unreasonable requirements on them, belittling them, or constantly finding fault, thereby producing wounds that can be as bad as or worse than any physical beating can inflict. Colossians 3:21 tells us not to “embitter” our children so they will not become discouraged. Ephesians 4:15–19 says we are to speak the truth in love and use our words to build others up, not allow rotten or destructive words to pour from our lips, especially toward the tender hearts and minds of children. ACTION STEP: If you have been abused or abandoned by a parent at a young age or by a significant person or spouse in your adult years, be kind to yourself. You may experience trust issues now--that's normal. You may have anxiety--that's normal too. But, God can heal. It's not an overnight deal, but it is possible. Maybe you have been abused verbally and now your not sure about yourself? You can become the confident person God intended you to be. In this life we will have trials, but there is a God and He has overcome them all and He is here to help you. He helped me. I believe in you and you need to believe in yourself. 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 ESV "For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body..." Romans 12:4-5 ESV "For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another." Ephesians 4:16 ESV "From whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love."  Trauma affect us all. If I have trauma and your in a relationship with me, well now you've got the effects of trauma because I'm bringing them with me. Then, if that is not enough? You probably have some of your own trauma. Well, that pretty well sums up marriage, friendship, parenting and even the workplace--and Oh, do not forget about church. So, that's why I am discussing our topic today.
Everyone loves to hear about the fact that my husband and I have been married for over 45 years. While many may take pride in that, I don't. I thank God everyday for keeping us together. We truly complement one another. We are just two messed up people that decided a long time ago, we were going to keep our commitment to God and to one another. But, it was in no way easy. We were both broken individuals. God has been working on us all of our life. You could probably say the same thing. Why? Because God is good and He loves us all. So, many of you also know that I was abandoned by my mother once and by my father over and over many times. This trauma caused me as Kelly Clarkson sings, to have trust issues and to live my life afraid. Kelly Clarkson for those of you that may not know is a popular singer that rose to fame for winning the first season of American Idol in 2002. She is the poster child for abandonment. Her father divorced her mother when she was six and her siblings were split up. It has affected Kelly's life, her relationships and music career. I say that because positively she has written amazing songs and has amassed a huge fortune. She has also battled weight gain, went through a divorce and had many emotional struggles. She is one of my hero's as she continually struggles with abandonment. This of course is not a hear me rattle on about famous personalities--but Adele is another famous vocalist who has battled abandonment. It shows up in their craft, giftings and in their struggles. I have come to the point in my journey where abandonment, CEN, CPTSD and all that accompanies these traumas are working for me not against me. I have learned that what works to destroy us, can be used to build others. I want to encourage you nothing is too hard for God. Nothing. I am using the skills I have acquired in my journey to teach others and equip others so they can successfully navigate through the muddy waters of trauma. The ores are hard to maneuver and require skill and care in traversing these waters of trauma. Sometimes we can't see what we've come through until we look back. I pray that one day you too will be looking back. That in your future is a platform on which to stand and share with the world that, "I once was blind but now I see--was lost but now I'm found." ACTION STEP: At whatever point you find yourself today in your journey know that there are those that are ahead of you and can help you navigate. You can reach out to me at www.renaperozich.com and see if we might be a good match. I desire to help you get the tools and helps you need. I can also make referrals. I believe in you and you need to believe in yourself. |
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AuthorRena Perozich is a wife, mother, nonna, mentor, author, and encourager. Her life's purpose is to become all God has called her to be and to encourage others to do the same. Learn more. Categories |
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