Blog Archives - The Remarkable Blog

Day 7 of "7 Seeds to Sow to reap a better family & relationship"

10/17/2017

Today is the last day of the "7 Seeds to Sow for a Better Harvest" concerning family and relationships. However, there is still so much to learn, and that I desire to share with you. So, stay connected and let's be all we can, and do all we can do, to insure a "Harvest We Are Longing For".

The 7th and final “Seed” involves learning the value of healthy conflict resolution. I know that conflict isn’t a popular topic. In fact, most of us see conflict as a rude, and unwelcome interruption in our lives, rather than a normal and necessary part of being in relationships. Unresolved conflict is one of the main problems that plague marriages and families.

POV stands for Point of View. Healthy conflict means, we try to put ourselves in their shoes. We work to understand more than, we work to prove we are right. Statements like "I feel", work so much better than, "You always, or you never." Conflict is inevitable, but hurting harsh statements and, unresolved conflict are not inevitable.

The goal in a family is to not just allow, but create an environment where everyone can be heard and, everyone tries to understand the other person. Children that grow up in this type of environment, grow up with greater self-confidence and self-esteem. They do better in school. Couples who learn to engage in healthy conflict resolution stay married longer and, live longer.

Ephesians 4"31-32 (ESV) "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Action Step: Begin today to seek to understand more than you seek to be understood. Be kind with your words and create an environment where others can be comfortable sharing their heart.

Day 6 of "7 Seeds to Sow to reap a better family & relationship"

10/16/2017

Apart from nurturing a vital and growing relationship with Jesus Christ the most critical issue is the 6thSeed to building strong families: In a healthy home people have learned how to listen, ask questions and nurture quality communication.

As goes the communication so goes the relationship. Without communication there is no relationship. Of course this principle applies to all of our relationships: parent and child, brother and sister, pastor and congregation, employer and employee as well as friend and friend.

A ten-year study revealed that happily married couples differ from unhappily married couples in that they talk more to each other, convey feelings that they understand what is being said to them, have a wider range of subjects available to them, preserve communication channels and keep them open, show more sensitivity to each others feelings and realize the importance of nonverbal aspects of communication.

Dr. Albert Mehrabian spent years studying the components of communication. He found that often the actual words we say only account for 7% of how someone interprets our message. Our tone of voice accounts for 38% and other non-verbals such as body posture, gestures, eye contact and facial expressions account for 55%.
Most people focus on the 7% and often ignore the other 93%. When one of these components contradicts the other a mixed-message is sent. Confusion and frustration replaces clear communication.

Purpose in your heart to pursue excellence in listening. Most people don’t understand that one of the most important aspects of quality communication is listening. That’s right! Quality communication involves much more than talking.

One writer stated that most conversations are dialogues of the deaf.

Ecclesiastes 3:7 states that there is a time to keep silent and Proverbs 10:14 tells us that only a fool ignores that fact. Proverbs 21:11 says, “The wise man learns by listening.” In Proverbs 18:13 we read, “What a shame–yet, how stupid!–to decide before knowing the facts.”

David Augsburger writes, “Love is listening. Love is the opening of your life to another. Through sincere interest, simple attention, sensitive listening, compassionate understanding and honest sharing . . . an open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart. You learn to understand life–you learn to live–as you learn to listen.”

Make your number one objective to understand the other person. Studies have shown that most people can listen five times as fast as someone can speak. This means that during a conversation it is easy for our minds to wander. If it’s an important conversation take some notes. Learn to ask questions that clarify the issue. Cultivate the ability to restate the person’s message in your own words.

Small talk isn’t always insignificant talk. There are some whose first question is “What’s the bottom line?” Only focusing on the bottom line makes about as much sense as looking only at the last sentence of a love-letter, watching the last 10 minutes of a movie or arriving at church to hear only the last five minutes of the pastor’s message.

God loves you. He sent His only begotten Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross and save you from your sins. God designed you to be in relationship with Himself and with others. He tells us that without communication there is no relationship.

From the beginning of time God has made time in His busy schedule to communicate with us. For centuries He has carefully protected His infallible written communication to us. God repeatedly asks us to make time to communicate with him. He has promised to make time to listen to us. Day or night He is there wanting us to talk with Him and waiting for us to listen to Him. If communication is that important to God it makes sense that it needs to be equally important to us.

ACTION STEPS:

Use the 7 C's listed here when communicating. Remember that God is a God that desires to communicate with us. He walked and talked with Adam in the garden. He desires to have us with Him for eternity.

So when we are talking with others lets do our best to be good listeners that really take to heart what they are trying to communicate.

One way love is shown is by listening.

According to the 7 Cs, communication needs to be:

Clear.
Concise.
Concrete.
Correct.
Coherent.
Complete.
Courteous.

Day 5 of "7 Seeds to Sow to reap a better family & relationship"

10/13/2017

Healthy Anger? Does this sound like an oxymoron to you? It does to me. How can anger be healthy? Anger is healthy because it prompts us to take action. The average person experiences the feeling of anger 8-10 times per day.

People can be angry for a number of reasons. However, what ever the reason they need to be able to express their anger. There are two ways to express anger one is detrimental and the other is instrumental. If we use anger to communicate the why's of anger then trust and intimacy can be built. However, if we use the anger in a detrimental way we can ruin relationships, wound other and would ourself.

The Bible clearly tells us to be angry and sin not. (Ephesians 4:26 NIV)

Healthy anger can provide tremendous energy to right wrongs and change things for the good. If we have been hurt or wronged it is easy for us to experience anger. The next step is that our human nature wants revenge. When we allow our anger to be in control it can easily distort our perspective, block our ability to love and thus limit our ability to see things clearly. There are enormous benefits in allowing ourselves to experience and express anger appropriately.

Remember that anger is energy and we can choose whether we are going to spend it or invest it. While we may have minimal control over when we experience anger, we have almost total control over how we choose to express that anger. As you choose to harness and direct that anger-energy in healthy, positive and constructive ways, you will discover one of the most powerful sources of motivation available to mankind.

Martin Luther said: “When I am angry I can write, pray and preach well, for then my whole temperament is quickened, my understanding sharpened, and all mundane vexations and temptations are gone.”

Day 4 of "7 Seeds to Sow to reap a better family & relationship"

10/12/2017

Encouragement is a powerful seed to be sown in the lives of one another, especially in family. Too often those that are closest to us are the ones we say things that are discouraging. We assume that because we are family anything goes. Well if that is the case, then a lot can go wrong. We must be intentional in the seeds we sow if we want a particular harvest.

We need to catch one another doing good things and then applaud that behavior. We would do well to look for things to complement one another. Remembering that we can only correct where we have instructed. If we have not voiced what we like and what we dislike, but harp on things when they are wrong, then it takes the wind out of our sails to want to please.

When we live in a discouraging environment it can lead to depression. Depression is rampant here in the US. Many are on antidepressant drugs. There is a true lack of investing in others well being and mental health that could be eliminated by some good old fashioned encouraging words.

Action Step: Today find three things to say that will encourage and build up those that you love the most.

Day 3 of "7 Seeds to Sow to reap a better family & relationship"

10/11/2017

The basis for this key #3 comes from the book of Ephesians in the New Testament. In chapter 5 the apostle Paul gives some wise counsel to husbands and wives. He tells us that two key activities in a loving relationship are learning to cherish and nourish the other person. Many people know what it means to love or cherish somebody. The challenge is to learn how to go beyond cherishing the one you love and discover how to nourish them. Seed #3 then is Nourish.

Cherish is the easy part. When you cherish something, it means that you value and care about it. It is important to you. However, you may not express it. That’s where nourish comes in.

Nourish is an action term that looks at what I actually do. It involves going beyond the attitude to action. The attitude of cherishing and the activity of nourishing are two of the key dimensions of love. A healthy loving relationship needs both. However, most people find it easier to cherish than to nourish. It’s easier to feel love than it is to effectively and creatively express love.

We can't love everything the same. Everyone is different so we all need something different to feel loved. Like a plant some need watered everyday. Another plant will die from being over watered.

John 3:16 (KJV) "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Day 2 of "7 Seeds to Sow to reap a better family & relationship"

10/10/2017

Prayerfully you read yesterday's Blog for the first seed to sow for a greater harvest. The second seed we want to sow in order to reap a harvest for a better family and relationship is "Time". Children and even some adults do not spell love, "L-O-V-E", but spell it "T-I-M-E". Out of the five Love Languages Quality Time ranks high for many. However, even if that is not someone's Love Language often times it is still how they spell love.

We all only have so many hours in a day. We are over committed, work long hours, feel stressed out due to trying to put too many things in 24 hours. So, many times we find ourselves considering everyone an interruption. Even Jesus had interruptions. Remember the story where the friends of a paralyzed man took the roof off and lowered their friend down through the ceiling to have Jesus pray for him. Who knows where Jesus was in his sermon, but he saw it as an opportunity to heal someone and be a model for others.

How many times have you missed an opportunity because you considered it an interruption? Can you bring to mind a time when your child or loved one wanted to open up and share something with you, but you didn't have time and not only did you miss it but they shared with someone else?

Action Step: Take time to be attentive to moments that your loved ones are more talkative. In order to do this time yourself. Schedule it. Here is a way to remember it: A S.M.A.R.T. goal is defined as one that is specific, measurable, achievable, results-focused, and time- bound. Below is a definition of each of the S.M.A.R.T.goal criteria. Specific: Goals should be simplistically written and clearly define what you are going to do.

Day 1 of "7 Seeds to Sow to reap a better family & relationship"

10/9/2017

Starting today, and continuing for the next 7 days I will be sharing on, "7 Seeds to Sow to reap a better family and relationship". I hope you will stay with me for the entire 7 days and at the end, perhaps you will find a few seeds to plant that I haven't thought of and leave me a reply.

The first of the 7 seeds is the "Seed of Modeling". What we do in front of others is more important than, what we say in front of others. Perhaps you have heard, "Children learn what they see not what you say"? Either way what we model in front of our children when they are young, is what we will see in them when they are old.

We only remember or communicate with words 7% of the message received by others, the rest is our tone of voice, our body language and the past experiences of those we are directing our conversation. Many times we have heard a child say something they heard their parent say, without even understanding the words they spoke. If we want something out of our children, the best thing we can do is "Model" it.

Every time we say, or do something, we take another seed and put it into the soil of another persons life. Advertisers count on this. The media sales commercials based on this. "Monkey see-monkey do." We may not be monkeys but the same principle works. You may not have wanted popcorn, but once you see the previews at the movie theatre, have you ever gotten up and went to get some?

It matters what you do. Someone is watching you all the time.

Adoption and becoming a child of God.

10/6/2017

James 1:27 (NIV) "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Today was a wonderful day for our family. Today we grew by one little boy who has been in our lives for 559 days, but today he got the family name. My youngest daughter and her husband now have two little boys and we have two grandsons. We consider them God's gifts to us all. Of course we were all in the court room and literally clapped at the Judge's words. Tears welled up in my eyes as he stated that he would be entitled to all the rights and privileges of a son that would have been born to them and that the birth certificate would now state he was legally and forever theirs.

I couldn't help but think of how everything changed in the heavenlies when I accepted Jesus Christ. That when I did so, I became legally and forever a child of God. All privileges and inheritances were now mine. Spiritually what happened in that court room today happened to me, and to you if you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.

I am very proud of my daughter and her husband, who have not only opened their heart, and home, to one little orphan, but now two. So proud that they have worked so hard to give them every opportunity, and help, that they have needed to thrive and succeed in life. Watching them love these two little boys has shown me so much about the love of God.

Whatever you do in life, do it that others will see Jesus in action through your actions. Pass it forward that generations yet to be born will still know the love of God and His surpassing goodness towards those He calls His own.

John 1:12-13 (NIV) "Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

The close similarity between Anger and Danger?

10/4/2017

Ephesians 4:26 (ESV) "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,"

Everyone experiences some form of anger. Webster defines anger as “emotional excitement induced by intense displeasure.” Anger is a strong feeling of irritation or displeasure. Anger provides physical and emotional element that prepares our mind and our body to act. It is up to us whether we use that energy in constructive ways or abuse ourselves and others.

Healthy anger can provide tremendous energy to right wrongs and change things for the good. If we have been hurt or wronged it is easy for us to experience anger. The next step is that our human nature wants revenge. When we allow our anger to be in control it can easily distort our perspective, block our ability to love and thus limit our ability to see things clearly. There are enormous benefits in allowing ourselves to experience and express anger appropriately. There are also potentially devastating consequences in allowing ourselves to be controlled by our anger.

Our good and God's glory.

10/4/2017

When you want to harvest Sugar Cane you have to set the field on fire.

In the Whitsundays in Australia, on the mainland, sugar cane is the main crop. Around harvest time you will see a whole field set on fire, flames reaching into the sky at night. It is quite spectacular. The fire is not an accident but INTENTIONAL BURNING BEFORE HARVESTING. Fire sweeps throughout the crop and burns the dead useless parts. Burning increases the yield of sugar recovered per ton of sugarcane and improves overall quality of the sugar produced.

Jesus removes the rubbish in our lives too. Every time I am on the hot seat I learn something. Whether it is the heat of a deadline, decision, or destiny, I begin to burn. I burn with the "What is the desire of God for me right now?"

The winds of adversity try to get me to run from the fire. The rains of life storms try to get me to go for shelter. But, the Spirit of God tells me to stand and watch what the Lord will do. He told Moses the same and the bush burned but was not consumed. It is the will of God that we be purified but not petrified. It is the will of God that we come through the fire as Gold that we may reflect His image.

Action Step: So if the heat is being turned up in your life embrace the burn. It is for your good and God's glory.