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You know more than you think. You are an expert in the life you've lived. Share what you know!

2/26/2021

Proverbs 18:15
"An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge."

Becoming an expert in a field is not always by choice. If you have been violated or abandoned, rejected, attacked, molested....you know what it feels like. You know what the after effects are. You know how that moment or moments are forever etched in your brain. You know how it affects every decision you have made since that instance occurred. You are the expert. But, just knowing all those things can't help you or anyone else. You and I have got to take it a step further and become educated on the subject. We need to find out the, "What now?" We need to pick ourselves up and become the very best at helping ourselves first, and when we get good at that, start helping others. When the blind lead the blind, they both fall in the ditch. Sick people, make people sick. Well people, whole people, can help heal the sick. Once you know the directions on how to get from point A to point B, you can help someone else navigate the journey. God can use you right where you are, but the more healed you become, the more you know Him and let Him into your situation the more useful you become.

If you do not see the video below watch in your Browser or click here: https://youtu.be/xE2qqKEmfgs

ACTION STEP: If you want a copy of my book please contact my office at 304-292-7283 and they can take your payment over the phone and mail your book to you. Mother's Day is coming and it's a great gift to yourself and to your spiritual and biological mothers, even friends that have been mothers to you. I love my book more now than when I wrote it. It ministers to me more now. I realize it is a great book to help mothers to believe in themselves. This book makes a great shower gift, wedding gift, Mothers Day gift, and just a gift for a friend that may need some encouragement. God can use wounded people. I know. He used me.

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Hidden and brought into the open.

2/25/2021

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Jeremiah 30:23 KJV
"Behold, the whirlwind of the LORD goeth forth with fury, a continuing whirlwind: it shall fall with pain upon the head of the wicked."

The whirlwind indicates the power and move of God and is a symbol of heaven touching earth. There have been people caught up in a whirlwind both in the Bible and yes, in the Wizard of Oz--which is a very good book about how our mind tries to figure out things in dreams. But look what happened to Elijah, as they were walking along and talking together, suddenly a chariot of fire and horses of fire appeared and separated the two of them, and Elijah went up to heaven in a whirlwind. Elisha saw this and cried out, "My father! My father!

Let me share a teaching with you today that I believe is very pertinent for the day we are living.
Reaping the Whirlwind“They sow the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind” ( Hosea 8:7a).
Much of the old covenant prophet’s task consisted in reminding God’s people of the curses the Lord promised for flagrant, impenitent covenant violation (Lev. 26:14–39; Deut. 28:15–68). The goal was the people’s repentance, but even the prophets reached points when they knew Israel as a whole was so far gone that the majority would not see its evil. Hosea 8 records a speech that Hosea gave when he reached such a point.
Hosea announces that “One like a vulture” is “over the house of the LORD” (v. 1, ESV). Other English translations such as the NIV, NASB, and NKJV identify the bird as an eagle. In reality, this verse is exceptionally difficult to translate from the Hebrew, so let us consider what each animal signifies. A vulture appears on the scene when an animal dies. Eagles are known for their swift flight. No matter the translation we choose, the basic point is the same. Israel’s death in exile was certain and swiftly approaching.
By the time the Israelites saw the enemy at their borders, it was too late. Fervently they cried to God, claiming to know Him. These were faithless cries, for the people had shown their lack of a proper relationship with the Lord by transgressing the covenant and spurning the good (vv. 1–2). A mere profession of faith saves nobody—one must possess faith to be in a right relationship with God (Mark 7:1–13). All the enthusiastic worship in the world could not save Israel because the people had no faith in the Lord.
Hosea then lists Israel’s sins, beginning with the fact that “they made kings, but not through me” (Hos. 4:4a). The northern kingdom was conceived in sin, but God had still promised Jeroboam I, Israel’s first king, and the ten tribes of Israel who served him, a lasting kingdom if the king would serve the Lord faithfully (1 Kings 11). Among other things, this meant God was to be consulted when appointing kings in the north. But the last king in the north who had any kind of divine confirmation was Zechariah, son of Jeroboam II and the fourth generation promised to King Jehu (2 Kings 10:30; 15:8–12).
Additionally, Israel showed its failure to trust God through its idol worship and reliance on foreign powers for its security (Hos. 8:5, 8–9). Therefore, the Lord chose to give Israel what it wanted. The people had sown the wind, a metaphor for Assyria’s military might, so God would allow them to reap the whirlwind (v. 7a). The power they trusted for salvation, Assyria, would be the very means of the kingdom’s destruction.

Many of us don't trust anyone. When your trust has been violated as a young child or even on into adulthood it becomes difficult to trust a God you can't see. This makes us need great faith and since faith only comes by hearing and hearing the word of God, we need to be in the word a lot! and the Word of God needs to be in us.

Some people can not even remember their childhood. That was me. I had like two or three memories but big blank spaces. I spent most of my adult performing for others to keep peace at all cost. There is a good book called, "A Child Called It," by David Pelzer that I just finished that made sense to me. We survivors can become thrivers! Victims can become victors.

ACTION STEP: Let God have His way in the Whirlwind. It is the time for God to blow away all that is not of Him and expose everything that needs exposed. Trust God.

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The "Why" behind the pain. (And it's my Birthday!)

2/24/2021

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"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
- Anais Nin

I would say this is one of my greatest Birthdays ever, because I am finally seeing life through a different set of lenses. I can see the pain I have experienced and what abandonment and fear has done to me. I'm not mad or sad. I am glad that I have finally had my eyes opened to a blindness I never knew I had. I have this new freedom. I have this new love for life and people that I never knew existed. I am more merciful and compassionate, rather than tough and hard and push through it. This is not something you can try to do. It is a gift you get when you no longer refuse to look inside yourself and ask yourself the hard questions like, "Why does that scare you? Why does that bother you? Why does that bring you pain? Why are you sad? Why do you work so hard? Why do you care so much about what others think? Why do you cry when others hurt? Why can't you judge a room properly? Why don't you have healthy boundaries? Why are you always tired? Why do you give so much? Why are you constantly trying to please others? Why are you such a peace maker? Why are you always so anxious? Why don't you confront? Why are you afraid to tell people how you feel? Why do you feel alone? Why? Why? Why?"

I found the reason for my why's in the most unlikely place--inside me. It took a coach to help me find my why? It was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. It has been painful beyond words, but I would do it all over again.

God is always on time.
God meets us where we are.
God uses other people--imperfect people.
God uses people that we may not agree with totally.
I am glad because that means He can use us too!

If you do not see the video below watch in your Browser or click here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXJIh6sNXjc&feature=youtu.be

ACTION STEP: Stop going through the motions and start living life. If you are interested in enrolling in the classes I took Dr. Keith Johnson is starting up another class soon. Click here and tell them I sent you. You will fill out an application and then pick a date and time for an interview. They do not take everyone, but if it is your time, God will make it happen. It's hard work and it is not cheap. It is however worth the price. https://keithjohnson.kartra.com/page/83K-Affiliate-RenaPerozich

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Get up and get running!

2/23/2021

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"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."
--John Bingham, running speaker and writer

Today is a new day. Ask someone this, "If you could tell me one thing I could improve on, what would it be?" Oh, I know that will take bravery--but you got it! Everyday we have challenges. Everyday we have obstacles that try to stop us. However, sooner than later we have to realize that sometimes are fears are like the Wizard of Oz, just a little man pulling the leavers behind the curtain. Well, I got news for you we aren't in Kansas anymore and we have the brains, the courage and the heart to do anything we were created to do. Click those heels together and get up and brush yourself off. The whirlwind of God can pick up anybody's house and land on the wicked witch! We all have fears but we can face them together.

To see video view in your Browser or click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgWgjrqLWAU&feature=youtu.be

ACTION STEP: Click your heels together and get started down that yellow brick road of success and healing. Enroll in a class. Here is one I suggest: https://keithjohnson.kartra.com/page/83K-Affiliate-RenaPerozich

I believe in you and you need to believe in yourself!

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The Journey to Self-Discovery continues. Read books!

2/22/2021

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It's good to be back. I missed writing to you all, but believe me emotional work takes a lot out of you. I shared my story for the first time at the conference in Maryland this last week. It was a safe place and the attendees were amazingly receptive and loving. I will always remember the day. I kept hearing these words in my head over and over, "Before my pen touched paper or my fingers touched the keys I was writing chapters over and over in my head as I laid awake rehearsing my life and trying to put my memories in some form or shape so I could put me back together again." Dr. Keith Johnson has taught that in order to become strong and whole at telling your story, you must tell it 100 times. Well, I have 99 more times to go!

I began the book in my heart and now it is showing up on my screen. I believe God has called me to bring it to the world. I have a completion date for accountability reasons. However, my coach has assigned me to read a book a week for ten weeks on the subject of abandonment. I will be referring to these books in my own book. So, today I thought I would begin to share one with you. This one (see photo below) has not been as tough of a read as, "The Boy who was raised as a dog," by Bruce D. Perry,Maia Szalavitz

In the Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog the book shares, what happens when a young brain is traumatized? How does terror, abuse, or disaster affect a child's mind--and how can that mind recover? Child psychiatrist Bruce Perry has helped children faced with unimaginable horror: genocide survivors, murder witnesses, kidnapped teenagers, and victims of family violence. In The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, he tells their stories of trauma and transformation through the lens of science, revealing the brain's astonishing capacity for healing. Deftly combining unforgettable case histories with his own compassionate, insightful strategies for rehabilitation, Perry explains what exactly happens to the brain when a child is exposed to extreme stress-and reveals the unexpected measures that can be taken to ease a child's pain and help him grow into a healthy adult. Through the stories of children who recover-physically, mentally, and emotionally-from the most devastating circumstances, Perry shows how simple things like surroundings, affection, language, and touch can deeply impact the developing brain, for better or for worse. In this deeply informed and moving book, Dr. Bruce Perry dramatically demonstrates that only when we understand the science of the mind can we hope to heal the spirit of even the most wounded child.

Here is the one I am reading now. This one for me is hitting home harder. It is a bit easier to understand and less traumatizing for those of you out there that maybe have not been abandoned in severe ways.

Was your mother too busy, too tired, or too checked-out to provide you with the nurturing you needed as a child? Men and women who were “undermothered” as children often struggle with intimate relationships, in part because of their unmet need for maternal care. The Emotionally Absent Mother will help you understand what was missing from your childhood, how this relates to your mother’s own history, and how you can fill the “mother gap” by:

Examining the past with compassion for yourself and your mother
Finding the child inside of you and learning to mother yourself
Opening to the archetype of the Good Mother
Allowing friends and loved ones to provide support, guidance, and other elements of good mothering that you missed

Through reflections, exercises, and clear explanations, psychotherapist Jasmin Lee Cori helps adult sons and daughters heal the wounds left by mothers who failed to provide the essential ingredients that every child needs. She traces perceived personal “defects” back to mothering deficits, relieving self-blame. And, by teaching today’s undermothered adults to cultivate the mothering they missed, she helps them secure a happier future—for themselves and their children.

ACTION STEPS: Begin to resource yourself with books to help you see your blind spots. Check out the web by doing a Google search on what to do with what has happened to you. And finally--may I ask you to pray for me that I can get on paper the journey from hurting to healing that is so surprising me; as it is giving me the tool to bring hope and healing to others. You are on this journey with me and I appreciate you. Please tell others about my Blog and have them subscribe to RPMDaily.net and also to my YouTube channel. Thanks so much. Make a great day!

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Have a great weekend.

2/12/2021

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I am taking some time off to prepare for a conference I am speaking at, and ask that you be in prayer for me, for the word I am carrying and for protection over travels, health and all that concerns me. I will check back in with you all on Monday, February 22, 2021. If I have a minute I will check back in with you sooner. Maybe even share a bit of the conference with you.

Enjoy your weekend.

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I never dreamed.

2/11/2021

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People with abandonment issues often struggle in relationships, exhibiting symptoms such as codependency, an inability to develop trust, or even the tendency to sabotage relationships.
I never dreamed I was affected so deeply.
But, I am learning I never knew what an expert I was becoming in the field and how I would be able to pick myself up and then extend my hand to others.

Good parenting provides children with the security of knowing that they're loved and accepted for their unique self, by both parents, and that both parents want a relationship with them. Parental failure to validate these feelings and needs is a trauma of emotional abandonment. We may not realize that we were emotionally abandoned as a child, particularly if our parents met our physical and material needs. However, clients often tell me that they felt their family didn't understand them, that they felt different from the rest of the family or like an outsider. What is being described is the trauma of invisibility. This can also emerge when parent-child interactions revolve around the parent: The child is serving the parent's needs, instead of the other way around, which is a form of abandonment. Even if a parent says, "I love you," the child may still not feel close or accepted for who he or she is as a separate individual, apart from the parent. Love may be conditional and doled out only when a child complies or performs to a parent's liking.

Emotional abandonment in childhood can happen in infancy if the primary caretaker, usually the mother, is unable to be present emotionally. This is often because she’s replicating her own childhood experience, but it may also be due to stress or depression. It’s important for a baby’s emotional development that the mother attunes to her child’s feelings and needs and reflects them back. She may be preoccupied, cold, or unable to empathize with her baby's success or upsetting emotions. The baby then ends up feeling alone, rejected, or deflated. The reverse is also true: Sometimes a parent gives a child a lot of attention, but isn’t attuned to what the child actually needs.

Abandonment can happen later, too, when children are criticized, controlled, unfairly treated, or otherwise given a message that they or their experience is unimportant or wrong. Children are vulnerable, and it doesn’t take much to make a child feel hurt and abandoned. Abandonment can also occur when a parent confides in a child or expects him or her to take on age-inappropriate responsibilities. At those moments, the children must suppress their feelings and needs to meet the needs of the adult.

A few incidents of emotional abandonment don’t harm children’s healthy development, but when they’re common, they can cause internalized shame that leads to intimacy issues and codependency in adult relationships. As adults, we may be emotionally unavailable — or attracted to someone who is. We risk continuing a cycle of abandonment that replicates our abandoning relationships and we can be easily triggered to feel abandoned.

© Darlene Lancer, 2012, 2014.

To see the video below click here or view in your Browser.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-G99VigjJVo&feature=youtu.be

ACTION STEP: Denial or shame about our feelings and needs often stems from emotional abandonment in childhood and can cause communication and intimacy problems. Start asking questions. I mean real questions to people who love you and whom you trust (well as much as you are able.) Ask questions like, "Do I push you away?" "Have I ever moved away from you when you tried to be close?" "Can you tell when I am self-protecting myself from being abandoned again or being close?"

I notice some people just check out. They are present but they went some where. They disassociate and go into their own world. Many times they use TV, a book, a cell phone or a tablet and such to take the conversation away from their uneasiness. When they feel awkward they may get up and start cleaning, or working. Many times they have a problem just sitting and talking.

So, if you catch yourself doing any of these stop. Stop and listen. Stop and feel. Stop, just stop, and refocus on how you are feeling and why? You may be able to recenter yourself and identify why you left and never went anywhere. Do the work. Most people won't so they never change. So, the abandonment and neglect go to the next generation. Stop the damage. Start a new dance even if you have to dance alone, because in reality if you don't; others have to dance around you...alone.

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Don't abandon yourself...

2/10/2021

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"Life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent of how I react to it."
Charles Swindoll

Self-abandonment can be subtle - and we often don't know it's happening because of the things we were taught about the importance of rejecting ourselves in order to prevent another person from possibly becoming uncomfortable.

Many among us have learned that being selfless - being without a self - is an ultimate virtue. That losing ourselves - literally becoming nothing - is to be valued and admired. Yes, generosity is wonderful. Giving is beautiful and necessary. Supporting one another and cultivating healthy, open, and honest relationships is essential. But not when it comes at the cost of abandoning, neglecting and betraying ourselves. We are not showing true love and kindness to another when the cost is the mistreatment of ourselves.

ACTION STEP: Stop abandoning yourself. Stop trying to please people at the cost of your own truth to self. You do not have to agree with people just to keep them in your life. Be recklessly truthful with yourself. Like what you like. Be creative. Take a chance at sewing or painting, dancing or even going without makeup! Yes, I said it. Don't abandon yourself for lack of perfection or acceptance!

It's "Hump Day!" Let's really get over some "Humps" in our life starting with abandoning our own feelings, emotions and opinions. We are allowed to have our own feelings. So, let's do this thing!

I believe in you. Now, believe in yourself!

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Abandonment with no explanation~CEN

2/9/2021

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Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)
Childhood emotional neglect is a failure of parents or caregivers to respond to a child’s emotional needs. This type of neglect can have long-term consequences, as well as short-term, almost immediate ones.

People who are emotionally neglected as children grow up to be adults who must deal with the consequences. Because their emotional needs weren’t validated as children, they may not know how to deal with their emotions when they occur.
The most common effects of childhood neglect in adulthood include:

post-traumatic stress disorder
depression
emotional unavailability
increasing likelihood for an eating disorder
shunning intimacy
feeling deeply, personally flawed
feeling empty
poor self-discipline
guilt and shame
anger and aggressive behaviors
difficulty trusting others or relying upon anyone else

Adults who experienced childhood emotional neglect may also become parents who neglect their children emotionally. Never having learned the importance of their own emotions, they may not know how to nurture emotions in their children.
Effective treatment and understanding their own experiences of neglect can help people of all ages overcome the effects of emotional neglect in the short-term and prevent future complications as well.

Here is link for video below: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjP9WkRt7tE&feature=youtu.be

ACTION STEP: Stop the cycle. Get help. Pray. Ask a trusted friend or counselor for help. Call you pastor. Your feelings are important, but so are the feelings of others. Just because you toughed it out does not mean you are okay or that others can be expected to tough it out too.Childhood emotional neglect can damage a child’s self-esteem and emotional health. It teaches them their feelings are not important. The consequences of this neglect can be deep and last a lifetime.

Treatment for childhood emotional neglect can help children who were neglected overcome the feelings of emptiness and inability to handle their emotions. Likewise, parents can learn to better relate to their children and prevent the cycle from happening again.

I believe in you, and you need to believe in you too. There is hope!

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Get out of Jail Free Card

2/8/2021

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You are probably asking yourself, "What is a Get out of Jail Free card?" Have you ever played Monopoly? In the game you drawl a card. The card tells you how many spaces to move or it gives you other benefits or penalties. One of the cards say, "Get out of jail free." So, if you roll the dice or pick up a card that says go to jail, you can use this card to get out and not miss your next roll opportunity.

What does this have to do with being abandoned? Everything. When you have been abandoned by someone you love especially at an early age, you learn ways to protect yourself from being hurt again. You give people permission to leave your life before they have ever even had the thought of leaving. By giving them this unseen card verbally, or by your actions, they can feel hurt or dismissed, or even angry; because in reality they desired to stay and have a relationship with you.

I did this unknowingly. I would say things like, "Oh you don't have to call me back I know your busy." "It's okay if you don't ________ I know this is just your job." Well, among many other things you may say, you may just not answer their phone calls, emails, or text. After all if they don't answer you back those feelings of abandonment return. The triggers of abandonment arise like wack a mole, and you try to smash them--yet they pop up over and over again.

Too see video below view in your Browser or click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4U-6zRsx3XU&feature=em-lsb-owner

ACTION STEP: Stop the cycle. Allow people to tell you if they want some space, don't have time or want to be a friend. You and I are not mind readers. Assume the best. Part of living is being hurt. The past does not have to repeat itself. You are not in the same place you were when the abandonment or rejection took place. Talk to yourself. Say things like, "They did not imply they wanted a, "Get out of relationship with me for free card," why am I wanting to hand them one?" Tell yourself, give them a chance and see what happens. I know it's scary, but people need people. I believe in you and I need you to believe in yourself! Life is not a game of Monopoly.

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You know more than you think. You are an expert in the life you've lived. Share what you know!

Hidden and brought into the open.

The "Why" behind the pain. (And it's my Birthday!)

Get up and get running!

The Journey to Self-Discovery continues. Read books!

Have a great weekend.

I never dreamed.

Don't abandon yourself...

Abandonment with no explanation~CEN

Get out of Jail Free Card

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