Empathy is defined as understanding and sharing the feelings of another. When discipling children it is wise to use empathy in communicating what it is you are wanting the child to do. For example you want the child to wear socks and shoes. The child wants to go barefoot. Explain to the child using empathy, "I know it is so much more comfortable to go barefoot. Shoes are sometimes hot and heavy. I don't enjoy wearing shoes either. But, when we come back in from outside we can take the shoes back off. However, while we are outside we need to protect our feet." Just letting them know that you understand how they feel and that you feel what they feel, will often times diffuse a battle. Try it.
Children just like adults want to be heard and understood. Once they believe you care then, they will begin to hear what you have to say. Many times the other person, including our children just want to know you understand what they are trying to communicate. If they know they are being sufficiently understood then they will settle down and begin to work towards a compromise.
Empathetic listening takes time to learn, and even more time to get good at. Give your child two choices. One choice you control and the other they control. Let them choose, then make them live with their choices. Each time you do this you will be reinforcing good behavior not bad. Whatever you reinforce you will see more of.
Action Step: Today, begin to practice showing empathy. When someone tells you how they feel refuse to say anything about what they should, and should not feel, or do. Instead ask questions. I bet that really hurts your feelings? Do you want to talk about it? I truly understand, how can I help? Perhaps just sitting and not saying a word but just holding them or looking at them can really help. Give it a try.
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