You are probably asking yourself, "What is a Get out of Jail Free card?" Have you ever played Monopoly? In the game you drawl a card. The card tells you how many spaces to move or it gives you other benefits or penalties. One of the cards say, "Get out of jail free." So, if you roll the dice or pick up a card that says go to jail, you can use this card to get out and not miss your next roll opportunity.
What does this have to do with being abandoned? Everything. When you have been abandoned by someone you love especially at an early age, you learn ways to protect yourself from being hurt again. You give people permission to leave your life before they have ever even had the thought of leaving. By giving them this unseen card verbally, or by your actions, they can feel hurt or dismissed, or even angry; because in reality they desired to stay and have a relationship with you.
I did this unknowingly. I would say things like, "Oh you don't have to call me back I know your busy." "It's okay if you don't ________ I know this is just your job." Well, among many other things you may say, you may just not answer their phone calls, emails, or text. After all if they don't answer you back those feelings of abandonment return. The triggers of abandonment arise like wack a mole, and you try to smash them--yet they pop up over and over again.
Too see video below view in your Browser or click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4U-6zRsx3XU&feature=em-lsb-owner
What does this have to do with being abandoned? Everything. When you have been abandoned by someone you love especially at an early age, you learn ways to protect yourself from being hurt again. You give people permission to leave your life before they have ever even had the thought of leaving. By giving them this unseen card verbally, or by your actions, they can feel hurt or dismissed, or even angry; because in reality they desired to stay and have a relationship with you.
I did this unknowingly. I would say things like, "Oh you don't have to call me back I know your busy." "It's okay if you don't ________ I know this is just your job." Well, among many other things you may say, you may just not answer their phone calls, emails, or text. After all if they don't answer you back those feelings of abandonment return. The triggers of abandonment arise like wack a mole, and you try to smash them--yet they pop up over and over again.
Too see video below view in your Browser or click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4U-6zRsx3XU&feature=em-lsb-owner
ACTION STEP: Stop the cycle. Allow people to tell you if they want some space, don't have time or want to be a friend. You and I are not mind readers. Assume the best. Part of living is being hurt. The past does not have to repeat itself. You are not in the same place you were when the abandonment or rejection took place. Talk to yourself. Say things like, "They did not imply they wanted a, "Get out of relationship with me for free card," why am I wanting to hand them one?" Tell yourself, give them a chance and see what happens. I know it's scary, but people need people. I believe in you and I need you to believe in yourself! Life is not a game of Monopoly.
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