Lack of childhood memories.

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”

I never have had many childhood memories. When I did have a memory it was like a snap shot. It was there, but nothing was connected to it. It hung in the air like an isolated event. I couldn't connect the frames. Once I realized that the neglect I experienced as a child was the root cause, I no longer got tense and anxious about what I couldn't recall. I wasn't stupid. I wasn't crazy. I was neglected. Even saying the words was hard for my "self" to hear. But, when I realized my neglect affected everyone around me and all my relationships, I wanted to receive healing. Here is a link to an article that began a journey of learning for me. It is about being neglected as a child. https://drjonicewebb.com/cen-tips/ 

I can honestly say, I am starting to enjoy learning about myself because it is opening up a door to help others, that I never thought of. God knows where you are an expert, even though you may not realize what you have learned. I just dodged through life never looking back. Sure I was abandoned over and over again, but hey I'm tough was my attitude; so what's your problem? I had very little empathy or mercy. Now, it is totally the opposite. I finally realize that the way my thirteen year old self reacted, was to protect self at all cost. The way my sixty-plus year old self is responding is so very different, and for the better. I don't have to protect myself and everyone else anymore. God's got me, and I finally just fell forward into His arms and allowed Him to explain some things.

​God is the best at defining our moments!  Here is a link to the video below if it doesn't show up here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RVeyV4_fmk&feature=youtu.be  You can also view in your Browser. 

ACTION STEP: Allow yourself to have some quiet time. I have found that people that are abandoned don't do much introspection. I myself only rarely even give myself permission to think about my childhood. I am learning that what I avoid is actually a clue to what I am to do. The enemy of my soul would much prefer me to continue to wander in Egypt than enter into my promise land. We have to let go, to take what God has for us. For some of us we don't even know what to let go of? Getting quiet before God and asking Him to define my past experiences and why I have certain memories has helped me. I am finding big gaps in my memories, can help to open doors to God, so He can speak to me about that single framed memory. It can also trigger pleasant memories and allow me to file them properly for easy retrieval, at a later date. When we lose our memories, we lose both good and bad memories. That's not something I am okay with anymore. 

If you are saying, "Yeah me neither," you are not alone in your journey. I recently learned for instance, why I constantly find myself finishing other people's sentences. Now that I know why, I find I am able to refrain; instead of thinking that it is just the prophetic in me. What we tell ourselves is not always the truth, but if we tell ourself it often enough--we will begin to believe it. Challenge yourself to find out why you do the things you do, then it will be easier to make the changes to better a better version of you. I can do this, and so can you.