Not being picked but rather, passed over.

1 Peter 1:2-4
"​You were chosen by God the Father long ago. He knew you were to become His children. You were set apart for holy living by the Holy Spirit. May you obey Jesus Christ and be made clean by His blood. May you be full of His loving-favor and peace. Let us thank the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It was through His loving-kindness that we were born again to a new life and have a hope that never dies. This hope is ours because Jesus was raised from the dead. We will receive the great things that we have been promised. They are being kept safe in heaven for us. They are pure and will not pass away. They will never be lost. (I add they will never be abandoned, not picked.)

I just wanted what I had worked so hard for. I didn't understand adult life and decisions. I was a high school girl that worked hard to make the squad. I'd been like all the other girls until I wasn't anymore. I was the girl whose Mom left her. I was the girl who was being raised by her Dad because, her Mom didn't want her. I was "That" girl. I was the one that didn't get to go places and play anymore because I was needed to take care of my brothers, because Daddy worked and Mom abandoned us. I guess the cheerleading coach decided that I was a liability now, not an asset; so I didn't get picked my senior year. I was devastated. That was the one thing I enjoyed. The one thing that was fun. I belonged on the squad and then--I didn't. Abandoned yet again. Unwanted yet again. The lies shouted louder. You're not good enough. You're not worthy. You're bad. No one really wants you--even your own mother didn't want you. Suicidal thoughts would come and torment me. Would I ever be wanted? Would I be better off dead? Does anybody care? 

My brother almost 4 years younger took to the outside chores like mowing grass, the next brother had a hot temper and did what he wanted, he was the tinker always fixing things, the next brother in line was always willing to help, and the baby brother--well he was the baby. No one expected him to do anything, after all he was the baby. I have very few memories of my childhood, from after my mother left. The memories before she left are sparse, but there are a few, mostly either camping and fishing with the entire family, a few favorite Christmases, or painful memories I wish I could forget. 

ACTION STEP: ​If you haven't already forgiven authority figures in your life that have hurt or disappointed you, now is the time. Forgive your parents if they wounded you or abandoned you. Perhaps, someone violated you or failed to meet your physical or emotional needs, let it go--let them go. Try to understand "The why?" they did what they did. Ask yourself, "What happened to them that made them the way they are? That caused them to do what they did?" The answers will often surprise you. If they aren't alive or around well, ask God. You'd be amazed at what He is just waiting to share with you.

Next week I will talk more about my step-mothers, and the turns my life took, to get to where I am today. Never give up! God picks you. You are the apple of God's eye. Jesus gave His life for you. You are special. God has a purpose for your life. What happened to you as a child is not your fault, but figuring how out it affects you as an adult and everyone around you, is your responsibility. No one can fix you, but you and God. God won't do what you won't allow Him to do. Giving God permission to heal you may require you hurt more at first, but healing will come; after all He is the Healer.