Ephesians 5:22-30 (NKJV) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
Men, this is what every woman wants you to know:
1. She wants and needs you to lead 5:22-24
2. She wants and needs your sacrifice 5:25-27
3. She wants and needs your tenderness 5:28-30.
1. She wants and needs you to lead 5:22-24
2. She wants and needs your sacrifice 5:25-27
3. She wants and needs your tenderness 5:28-30.
Be attentive in conversation
Be gentle in disagreements
Be encouraging in hardships
Be helpful in stressful situations
Be honoring in public
Be attuned to her emotions
Be gentle in disagreements
Be encouraging in hardships
Be helpful in stressful situations
Be honoring in public
Be attuned to her emotions
The Bible often compares the marriage between a man and a woman to the marriage between Jesus and the church. It was Hebrew custom at the time of Jesus that the man and woman would become what was known as ‘betrothed.’ It does not exactly equal our modern term of engagement. It was more than that. It was a legal arrangement between the man and the woman prior to the actual marriage ceremony. During that time, each would be diligent to fulfill their roles in preparation for marriage. She would remain pure, pristine, and wait for the day her lover would come get her and formalize the marriage. Meanwhile, the groom would go and prepare a place for them to live together. After the agreed upon time, usually about a year, he would show up unannounced. She would know the day, but she wouldn’t know the time exactly so she would look for an long for his return.
So when Jesus says in John 14 on the night He was with His disciples and about to be arrested: “I am going away to prepare a place for you. 3 If I go away and prepare a place for you, I will come back and receive you to Myself, so that where I am you may be also.” John 14:2-3, He had this in mind. When He tells the parable of the ten bridesmaids in Matthew 25, some of them were ready for the groom to come but others weren’t, He had this in mind.
In Revelation 19 we catch a glimpse of the glorious culmination of this relationship: “ Let us be glad, rejoice, and give Him glory because the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has prepared herself. She was given fine linen to wear, bright and pure. For the fine linen represents the righteous acts of the saints.”
Revelation 19:6-8 We who are believers are considered the Bride of Christ. While we wait for His return, we are to live pure and pristine lives. He is the Lover of our Souls. And we are most fulfilled when we find our deepest pleasure in pleasing Him.
So this analogy between Jesus and His church and a husband and wife, is packed with meaning.
Bible-believing folks have taken a lot of heat about some of the stuff in this passage here in Ephesians. But you know what’s crazy? There is a growing amount of secular research validating the biblical view of marriage and we’ll touch on some of it in a moment.
Men, this is what every woman wants you to know: Guys…take NOTES!
1. She wants and needs you to lead 5:22-24
“Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, 23 for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.”
a. In every relationship, there is a leader. I have read 100s of business books on leadership, and every one of them cites this reality. AND, every one of them contends that the best leadership occurs in a healthy, give and take relationship where the leader does not consider himself/herself more valuable or more informed or more capable. It simply means that he or she naturally fits in the role of the leader, usually because of gifting and experience.
Good leadership is not a cold, top down, autocratic dynamic; it is a warm, symbiotic dynamic that is not only productive, but healthy and fulfilling.
In marriage, God has established the man as the leader. Men, that’s your role. It doesn’t make you more valuable. It doesn’t make you more informed. It doesn’t make you more capable. It doesn’t mean that your woman doesn’t have leadership qualities. Some of the best leaders I’ve ever known are women. But in this male/female relationship called marriage, men—you are tasked by God to be the leader.
Guys, despite what you may think, your woman wants you to take leadership in the relationship. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a woman in my office telling me that they want their husband to take the lead in the home and be faithful to the task.
Men, you may be thinking: “She sure doesn’t act like she wants me to lead! She fights me all the time for the reigns.” Well, that’s a whole different issue. Both the Bible and secular research indicate that a woman wants her man to be the gentle leader in the relationship.
Why? Because it triggers a feeling of security and well-being deep inside them when the man takes the lead in providing, protecting, and guiding.
In a long-term study of 130 newlywed couples, The Gottman Institute, one of the secular leaders in marriage research, discovered that couples in which men are emotionally intelligent, listen to their wives, and allow their wives to influence them have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce.
Gottman says that the number one thing that women are looking for in a man is not a six-figure bank account or six-pack abs. The number one thing women look for is trustworthiness. Trustworthiness does not simply mean martial fidelity in the strict sense though that is essential to trustworthiness. It is also much more than that. Trustworthiness means doing what you say you are going to do. It is about reliability & accountability.
Throughout human history, a woman’s safety and sense of inner well-being, as well as that of her children, have been dependent on her partner’s trustworthiness. Gottman: “Fathers are the most critical factor in the health and success of children. When fathers are not involved with their kids, there’s a five times greater likelihood that the kids will live in poverty, a three times greater likelihood that they will fail in school, and a two times greater likelihood that they will have emotional and behavioral problems, use drugs, get involved in crime, or commit suicide. You can see why trustworthiness is such a high value.”
Tomorrow I will discuss the next two points. If you are not already registered for our Marriage Seminar you can do so by clicking this link: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/marriage-seminar-2018-tickets-40111994054
So when Jesus says in John 14 on the night He was with His disciples and about to be arrested: “I am going away to prepare a place for you. 3 If I go away and prepare a place for you, I will come back and receive you to Myself, so that where I am you may be also.” John 14:2-3, He had this in mind. When He tells the parable of the ten bridesmaids in Matthew 25, some of them were ready for the groom to come but others weren’t, He had this in mind.
In Revelation 19 we catch a glimpse of the glorious culmination of this relationship: “ Let us be glad, rejoice, and give Him glory because the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has prepared herself. She was given fine linen to wear, bright and pure. For the fine linen represents the righteous acts of the saints.”
Revelation 19:6-8 We who are believers are considered the Bride of Christ. While we wait for His return, we are to live pure and pristine lives. He is the Lover of our Souls. And we are most fulfilled when we find our deepest pleasure in pleasing Him.
So this analogy between Jesus and His church and a husband and wife, is packed with meaning.
Bible-believing folks have taken a lot of heat about some of the stuff in this passage here in Ephesians. But you know what’s crazy? There is a growing amount of secular research validating the biblical view of marriage and we’ll touch on some of it in a moment.
Men, this is what every woman wants you to know: Guys…take NOTES!
1. She wants and needs you to lead 5:22-24
“Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, 23 for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.”
a. In every relationship, there is a leader. I have read 100s of business books on leadership, and every one of them cites this reality. AND, every one of them contends that the best leadership occurs in a healthy, give and take relationship where the leader does not consider himself/herself more valuable or more informed or more capable. It simply means that he or she naturally fits in the role of the leader, usually because of gifting and experience.
Good leadership is not a cold, top down, autocratic dynamic; it is a warm, symbiotic dynamic that is not only productive, but healthy and fulfilling.
In marriage, God has established the man as the leader. Men, that’s your role. It doesn’t make you more valuable. It doesn’t make you more informed. It doesn’t make you more capable. It doesn’t mean that your woman doesn’t have leadership qualities. Some of the best leaders I’ve ever known are women. But in this male/female relationship called marriage, men—you are tasked by God to be the leader.
Guys, despite what you may think, your woman wants you to take leadership in the relationship. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a woman in my office telling me that they want their husband to take the lead in the home and be faithful to the task.
Men, you may be thinking: “She sure doesn’t act like she wants me to lead! She fights me all the time for the reigns.” Well, that’s a whole different issue. Both the Bible and secular research indicate that a woman wants her man to be the gentle leader in the relationship.
Why? Because it triggers a feeling of security and well-being deep inside them when the man takes the lead in providing, protecting, and guiding.
In a long-term study of 130 newlywed couples, The Gottman Institute, one of the secular leaders in marriage research, discovered that couples in which men are emotionally intelligent, listen to their wives, and allow their wives to influence them have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce.
Gottman says that the number one thing that women are looking for in a man is not a six-figure bank account or six-pack abs. The number one thing women look for is trustworthiness. Trustworthiness does not simply mean martial fidelity in the strict sense though that is essential to trustworthiness. It is also much more than that. Trustworthiness means doing what you say you are going to do. It is about reliability & accountability.
Throughout human history, a woman’s safety and sense of inner well-being, as well as that of her children, have been dependent on her partner’s trustworthiness. Gottman: “Fathers are the most critical factor in the health and success of children. When fathers are not involved with their kids, there’s a five times greater likelihood that the kids will live in poverty, a three times greater likelihood that they will fail in school, and a two times greater likelihood that they will have emotional and behavioral problems, use drugs, get involved in crime, or commit suicide. You can see why trustworthiness is such a high value.”
Tomorrow I will discuss the next two points. If you are not already registered for our Marriage Seminar you can do so by clicking this link: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/marriage-seminar-2018-tickets-40111994054
RSS Feed